Into surgery. We go into surgery.
So, a few weeks back I wrote about our second failed IUI with the Jones Institute. What I didn’t mention is that EVERYONE – not kidding – EVERYONE around me is getting pregnant. It’s like…ridiculous. Funny story, about 6 years ago my friends all got pregnant and swore that me touching them made them get pregnant. It feels like that is abundantly true. Everyone I know is pregnant…but me.
I am now the only married woman under 40 at church who is not pregnant. So, that’s cool. Don’t get me wrong, all of these people are lovely and I love both parts of each couple, but it suuuuucks. I mean, it SUCKS.
Everyone ever that ever wrote a blog seems to be pregnant or has a baby. My Instagram feed is like a Babies ‘R Us catalog.
There are a lot of emotions I feel about all of that. It’s hard to be unhappy that so many people are pregnant and distinguish between that and feeling happy that they’re pregnant. I mean, it’s not hard to me. It’s hard to explain to OTHER people though. “No, I’m not mad that my friends are pregnant. Only, I’m mad that so many people are pregnant. But, not THEM.” I mean, it sounds insane. I get that. So yeah, there are a lot of emotions and a lot of frustration, etc. I will likely never share 90% of that here because I don’t want anyone to take how I feel personally. Like, I’m never sad that babies are coming in to the world. I’m not said people’s dreams are coming true. I’m just really sad we’re not bringing one in, too, that our dreams aren’t becoming reality right now.
Well, we took the rest of February off. My cycle starts somewhere in the first two weeks of every month (you’re welcome for that!) so I did not do anything late-February in terms of IUI. We knew we only had one left at Jones. I mean, technically they’d probably let us do 4, but they said 3 for sure. Then, we inadvertently took March off, too. Well, there was one thing we did. We decided to talk to our doctor at Jones. Frankly, we’re too poor to keep paying $500-$600 for each IUI if that’s money we need to put toward IVF.
She basically 100% agreed with us that it was bizarre that our 2 IUIs didn’t work and that there was no foreseeable cause. I had googled “endometriosis” and got some weird results. Yes, I was one of those weirdos who searched on WebMD and then called the doctor’s office. I even told them that, “I’m sorry to be one of those people who searches WebMD and then calls the doctor, but…” because I felt like endometriosis might be a viable cause for what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, last month part of the constipation was the progesterone suppositories, but constipation has LONG been something I’ve dealt with around the time of my menstrual cycle. That is a sign of endometriosis. I mean, it’s not a diagnosis, but its the closest thing I can find to a cause.
She asked what our plans were and I asked if we could do a laparoscopy (suggested by Bethany) to look for endo. Yeah, “endo”- that’s what all the cool kids call it. Obvi. All of us cool kids who are infertile. It’s OK, you don’t have to wish to be us. We understand.
She told me I needed to take off for 3 days (Weds.-Fri.) for the surgery. Man, being a teacher is so cool. It’s like I get a whole break just to have someone look in and up my uterus. Awesome. Best spring break ever, am I right?
So, that’s where we go from here. On April 9th, I will have surgery looking through my belly button (and two other tiny incisions) to see what’s going on, along with a hysteroscopy to go up and in to have a look. Fun. If they find things, they’ll ablate them and get rid of the scar tissue as well as taking preventative measures so that scar tissue doesn’t regenerate. It’s very low-risk. We’re trying to keep very open minds, but it’s very scary that they could find NOTHING. Then, what?
We told our friend/pastor about it and promised him some “selfies”. He was uncomfortable. It was awesome. I also asked him not to put me on our church’s prayer list because I HATE THAT KIND OF ATTENTION (weird because I’m writing it on a blog) and told him I imagined the listing: Jessica Gourley-uterine surgery. He said, “Uter-US. We’re praying for you.”
My good friend, Charlotte said, “After all, there’s no I in uterus.”
So, yeah. We would appreciate positive thoughts/prayers, like, even prayers that they FIND something. The most praying you can do is for me not to eat a person from midnight when I stop eating until ONE P.M. when I finally go into surgery. I will be so. so. so. hungry. You can put it on blast through social media. I just didn’t need all 75 senior citizens at church asking me how my baby-making region is doing. The ones who follow me on social media are obviously super with it and don’t make me uncomfortable. 🙂 And, as always, feel free to share with those you know (or don’t know) to be infertile. We have been so surprised by the outreach we’ve gotten and the infertility warriors who have shared stories with us. We are so thankful for you, too and will be back to update you in two weeks or so!