Well, the results are in! Yesterday, I had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. I described that in our last post, kinda. Basically, they filled my stomach with gas and inserted cameras to look around and see if I had scar tissue (endometriosis). There is no way to diagnose endometriosis without this surgery. That is terrifying. However, we were surrounded be great medical help and tons of positive thoughts and prayers! We really wanted to find endometriosis because we were nearing the point of what-the-h@*#-is-going-on?!
Everything went well, surgery-wise. I was crying like a small child, no lie. I got all kinds of, “what if this doesn’t work?”, “what if they find nothing?”, “what if ‘general surgery’ goes wrong and I don’t COME BACK?!” It was all kinds of crazy and poor Chris was dealing with a basket case. I’ve never had invasive surgery, just a little gum surgery and a little foot surgery. There has never been anything medical IN my body before and it freaked my freak. No lie. I went in a few minutes early, everything got done in a timely manner, I wake up super well from anesthesia, and then I sat in recovery for TWO HOURS.
I just, I get that they need to be sure, but I could NOT pee. Do you know how hard it is to push out urine when you can’t use your stomach muscles?! Ridiculous. Also, Chris could not fathom this because guys don’t have their man-parts all smushed in their together like we ladies do. I finally peed, changed clothes, and went HOME!
I have to say, we’re doing really well. I feel pretty good besides the incision pain and I’ve only taken a few pain pills. Basically, here’s what the found:
I had endo (scarring) around my uterus, but not IN my uterus. I don’t know if that’s better, worse, or inconsequential. They removed the tissue and said all of my fallopian tubes are still running cleanly. Woohoo! The doctor said that our chances have probably increased by about 60%. That’s pretty exciting…not that I know what our chances were before, really. We have about a 6 month window to try on our own or try more IUIs. I’m not sure what we’ll do yet. I guess we have a few months to figure it out before the scarring or any inflammation can complicate things again.
It’s definitely terrifying, but I’m starting to have a *tiny* glimmer of hope that this may solve some problems for us. Maybe the endo will be eradicated for a while. That’s happened to other people. If not, at least we know what we have to do again later! I really feel like our desire to have a big family comes from somewhere. We grew up wanting the exact same number of kids and having the exact same goals. It just can’t be for no reason, right?
All that medical stuff being said, the best thing to come out of this surgery day has been the AMAZING outpouring of support from everyone. Online, in person, at work, from church- people have been so amazing and uplifting. I mean, I have never felt so loved. Through the whole thing, I just realized that this is where we are. This is who we are right now. We’re infertile, but, strangely, it’s OK. There is nobody else on Earth that I could do this with besides Chris. Like, I don’t even know if I’d be so motivated if it weren’t for him. I don’t pretend to know what the heck God is doing through this or why He’s doing it, but I know it’s for a reason and I know that I wouldn’t be at all hopeful or motivated if it weren’t for God and Chris. Like, I just wouldn’t. I’m too negative and jaded. So, through all of it, there are positives. Right now it feels like more positives than negatives. That’s huge. And amazing. So, thank you. Yes you, and you, and you, and YOU! We couldn’t be dealing without the support and the new “infertility friends” and the new email buddies (looking at you, Jennifer), and the church family and everything. So thanks.
We have NO idea what the next few months will bring (hopefully a baby!) or when things will play out. We don’t even know what the heck our plan is at this point. But it feels better. Please don’t think us selfish for asking for more prayers and happy thoughts! We just know that, even when we haven’t felt like praying, your prayers have helped. So thank you! And thanks for the love in the form of facebook likes, comments, hugs at work, chocolate chip cookies, home cooked meals, Italian take out, etc. I don’t know when we’ll post on this again, maybe after my follow-up on the 22nd. But know that we will let you know, good news or bad, eventually. And thanks. Again and again and again. 🙂
**If you’re new to our infertility story, catch up here.**